Monday, October 22, 2012
I am not sure what is so funny...
Just as I was feeling a little low, my kids started to fill the house with laughter. This is just what I needed to move on. Life, what is life? Why is mine so boring? I have to force myself out from bed every morning, after having sleepless nights day after day, yes I still nurse her every 3 hours. I have to get both of them ready by 8 am, try to get to school by 830 am, every morning, and no I do not get to sleep in on the weekends, only at 830 am, the latest. I used to be able to get all my beauty sleep I want.
I feel ugly and stupid. Felt that my life is nothing, I'm just here to feed, clean, and clean again, it's just never ending...and hubby always complain the house being messy, made me feel like I am not doing a good job, I don't think he realize it but I am trying to do the best I can, considering I really hate cleaning!
I feel like I have no time for myself, no time for anything, everything is for them, but I rather do everything for them than myself. This is so different from when I have no kids. We get to do anything, go anywhere, and now, everything it's about them. I feel trapped.
Just when I was thinking all this, suddenly they started to laugh. I do not know what they were trying to do, perhaps they knew I was feeling a little down, and tried to cheer me up by doing silly things. What is better than the laughter of your children? Suddenly I feel like maybe this is all worth it. Just to hear your children laugh, and being happy. As hubby said, this will not last, after many years you'll look back and miss all this fun. So don't miss the fun, be a part of it, enjoy this process of life!